Easy Peasy guide: Gifts for men

Disclaimer: It is but pure coincidence that this blog has surfaced in the vicinity of my birthday. Any malintention from my end can be safely assumed non-existent.

The “Pinstripe dilemma”

So how many times have you wondered what to get your father/husband/boyfriend/crush on their special day? You keep thinking and thinking and eventually head to the nearest Park Avenue outlet to pick up a white shirt with navy blue pinstripes and a matching silk tie to go with it. We plead to you ladies – Stop it with the full sleeves please! It’s not like we don’t appreciate the sentiment. But seriously,  make us feel that some effort went into at least the thinking process, if not the gifting process. Considering that at least a few of you have part taken in the aforementioned ritual, I hope this guide comes of some use.

Categorize

To start with, identify the “giftee category” . The easiest giftee is the one who tells you upfront what he wants. Now its up to you to consider his wish as your command, but these guys are rare and if present can have far fetching demands. The next one is the guy with the obvious clues. You don’t even have to be a good listener because this guy simply has a different definition to subtlety. An example maybe?

“Darling! You know what! The weirdest thing just happened. I just ran out of my Gucci Cologne which was worth 3 grand and available at Shopper’s Stop, 3rd floor. I think I’ll buy one right after my birthday.”

Which leads us to the next category. Mr. Subtlety. This guy can be a bit tough on you. He definitely needs something bad and has been leaving subtle clues for you all around. You’re probably not paying attention, not smart enough or simply not interested. And finally, the guy who does not want gifts. Another rarity, but I’ve heard such a species does exist. These guys are tough because their object of affection is a mystery which they hide behind their denial. And because you wouldn’t know what to give them, the chances of leaving them disappointed are rather high.

Once you categorize, keep these points in mind.

Point 1: Figuring out the subtle clues is not that tough. We’re really not that creative when it comes to masking our cravings. It could be a Facebook status update or tweet, which you were supposed to have noticed, a product review he made you read which had nothing to do with you, an extended look at a TV ad and so on. It would’ve been a random conversational comment, like…

You: Ow so that’s what Fondue is…

Him: Speaking of Fondue, you know I saw this pic of Rajeev and Seema having fondue on their recent trip to Switzerland. He was showing it to me on his new Macbook. It looked really different on it.

Point to note. Unnecessary detail indicates subtle clue.

Point 2: There is a feedback loop. Realize and respect it. Observe the giftee’s reaction in the short-term and in the long-term for feedback on your gift. Most guys will not easily reveal their abhorrence towards this atrocity you have committed immediately. So keep an eye out for that gift of yours. If you tend to see more of it, its cuz its not around him. Go figure…

Point 3: Most men are not spontaneous with their reaction. So do not be disheartened if the reaction did not meet your expectation. We tend to give the same reaction to gifts we adore or abhor. Keep Point 2 in mind and decide for yourselves. And yes more importantly, remember how we keep to ourselves most of the time? During our moments of self introspection and at times under the influence of alcohol we do retrospect on the gift and wonder what effort went into it. So your hard work, or lack of same, never goes unacknowledged, albeit rather mutely.

Point 4: We love to show off. So get us something to show off. The brag factor is what matters not how expensive it is. Although it’d be tough to find those 2 traits mutually exclusive.

Point 5: Just cuz we got you a watch on your birthday does not mean you get us the same. It’s not a matching game. Men love surprises. Men love novelty even more. Get us a carrot sealed in plastic wrap and you’d see us lusting at it like it was an iPad.

Point 6: Keep practicality under the wraps while shopping for a gift. We take care of all our practical needs. It’s the impractical cravings that we crave for. Which brings me to shopping vouchers. They are really practical. But practicality never crosses our minds when we pick you guys a gift. You lose points in the efforts section.

And finally a non-exhaustive ready-reckoner

Running out of time? Here’s a safe list. You really can’t go wrong picking one from this list:

• Gadgets (!) – or accessories to our gadgets
• Anything made by Apple (seriously if there was an iUndie we would buy it!)
• Accessories (Watches, bags, adventure gear, jackets, hats etc)
• Perfumes (Preferably a good brand)
• Office equipment (Not kidding! A guy at Staples or Office Depot is like, how we Mallus put it, an elephant in a sugarcane field. And a word of caution, this does not mean get us a stapler or hole puncher! Think Think Think!)
• Sports equipment (If you think we have all that we need, we don’t mind an upgrade to something we already have. So get us a better baddy racquet or better running shoes)
• Books (Not a fave item but better than a pinstripe!)
• Music (*ONLY* if you are sure you know what he likes. If he plays some instrument, then an upgrade maybe?)

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While I publish this guide, I do realize that some edits are in place and will happen sooner than later. Some reiterations were called for, but I do hope there were some revelations in here for you. Happy shopping!